15 Tips For A Pregnant Lady

When I was pregnant I got heaps of advice and here are the best tips I received. 1. You don't have to change your baby’s clothes all the time. If you’re tired and they look clean enough just don’t worry about it. Babies don’t sweat, they’re not running around the place, it won't hurt them, so don’t stress about it. Now get some sleep.

Pushing Buttons and Boundaries

J has worked out that she hasn’t got to stay in her bed. She knows we’d like her to stay in it but if she stands up and walks around she looks at us as if to say, "Really what are you going to do about it - put me to bed early? Mwhahaha." It seems that lately, seeing what we're going to do about it is part of the fun. She’s calling our bluff. The other day I walked into J's room, assuming she'd be asleep as she had been quiet for ages, and she was stood in the middle of her room wearing a life jacket and holding a slightly deflated dingy under her arm.

How to name a vagina.

J has become a mixture of ever more charming and increasingly more insulting as she has learned to speak. We go from being offered cups of tea to being pointed at naked while she cackles. J's topics of conversation are often far from ideal for public consumption.

Survival Of The Fittest

Being ill with a toddler is a very different experience to any other time. In the time I like to call BC (before child), being ill was equally horrendous of course but I could take myself away and suffer alone, perhaps with the TV or radio on, in and out of consciousness with the background noise of This Morning. BC, my only worry was when should I go back to work? When I do go back, should I apply my make-up more sparingly to make sure I still look a bit crap?

Forever Ballooning Body

This is not something I have told many people. It's a bit of an embarrassing story to tell anyone but for the sake of supplying an open and honest blog, so we can get to know each other, I'm willing to share.

Ping-pong singlton

I did a very irritating maneuver when I was pregnant. I even knew it was annoying as I was pressing the send button but, for some weirdo reason, I couldn’t stop myself.